Art Intelligence

Another look back at the Steelers week that was: Art II Details edition

Another look back at the Steelers week that was: Art II Details edition
Written by Noah Roy

The Steelers season ended two weeks ago, but there’s plenty of news coming out of Steel City. BTSC continues to recap the events of the past week for our readers. But where did they go wrong is asking the only narcissistic writer who would utter something strange to do so. So, let’s all take a look at a bad week at the ‘burgh’ together.


Sunday 1/23

  • With it almost entirely impossible and absurd for a team to give up their top pick, Dwayne Haskins is the safest bet to hold in free agent history. With an original bid placed on a bust for the previous first round, the odds of the Steelers QB staying in Pittsburgh are even better than the next Pope being Catholic.

Monday 24/1

  • After applying for an interview with the New York Giants to speak to defensive coordinator Patrick Graham as a possible replacement for retired Keith Butler, Chris Richard was added to the list. The Steelers will add Cowboys minor coach Joe Waite on Wednesday to the mix. This could all be a series of smoke screens and tests to make the team feel better about their inner choice, Terrell Austin. This is eerily reminiscent of the plan laid out by the former lady. 20 bad years ago. The novice wife considered the internal option replaceable.
  • The Chicago Bears narrowed their search for GM to three candidates and Omar Khan was once again bypassed. Why am I having flashbacks to the Mr. UPJ contest in 1992 and 1993. I still don’t understand why Elvis Medley and wearing a speedo in a sportswear contest didn’t affect the votes.
  • The Steelers have re-signed WR Anthony Miller for the 2022 season. Hopefully Mike Tomlin doesn’t keep Miller in the back of the cupboard like (insert a no-one eats food product here).

Tuesday 25/1

  • As expected, Nagy Harris has been named to the Pro Football Writers All-Rookie Team. Potter Presley Harvin III was a surprise honorary award. The irony of the situation is that the No. 6 may not make the Steelers All-Rookie team in 2021.
  • A day after Cam Heyward and TJ Watt were named to the First Team All-NFL by the PFWA, Trent Jordan was named Asia’s 101st Defensive Player of the Year. If the King of the Sack does not win the NFL DPOY this time, Watt may also join the team all of my children Because he’s seriously going to get Susan Lucci Ed.
  • It has been reported that Sean Payton is stepping down as coach of the New Orleans Saints after 15 seasons with the team. What will Payton do next? NFL? College? Finally, there is an answer to Mike Tomlin’s question about whether the media is asking Payton or Andy Reed questions accompanied by gossip about their futures.

Wednesday 1/26

  • Brandon Hunt has emerged as a Pittsburgh fan favorite for the General Manager position. More so now that he has been summoned by the Las Vegas Raiders. It’s quite a dilemma with Hunt’s reconnaissance shining in black and gold, but the allure of making up for the third round in the next two years is tempting. It’s a win for the Steelers with Omar Khan at home. Let’s hope the Steelers don’t find a way to lose it.
  • More honors for Watt, as he was named PFWA Defensive Player of the Year. More preparation for potential disappointment.
  • The Steelers have signed Punter Cameron Nezyalek for a reserve/future contract.

Thursday 27/1

  • Ben Roethlisberger has officially announced his retirement from the Steelers and the NFL in a tearful video on social media. The retirement certainly wasn’t surprising, but it didn’t stop the water business.
  • The Steelers signed LB John Simon to a Reserve/Future contract and acted as free agent TE Jevon Cottoy and DB Money Hunter today. That’s funny, I dated two money hunters a day.

Note: Hunter is the son of former MLB All-Star Torri Hunter


Friday 1/28

  • Art Rooney II spoke to the media and had a lot to say. I wish it was something the Stellar Nation wanted to hear. Let’s take a look at the highlights.

Saturday 1/29

  • Here you are. Brady steals Thunder Ben again.
  • Not surprisingly, the news of Tom Brady’s retirement was followed by reports that Brady would not be retiring, after all. Doesn’t everyone know that the person who has worn the number 12 in New England and Tampa Bay all these seasons is nothing more than a cyborg manufactured in Skynet and created by Cyberdyne Systems for SAC-NORAD and not a real person or man. The truth is that the Tom Brady we watched slicing through our black and gold hearts has never breathed life and is no more annoying AI than Haley Joel Osment in this 2001 AI movie. Seriously, I hope the league will have the guts to stop the bot and give the other teams opportunity. It’s too bad that the Steelers didn’t embrace the concept of AI in 2000. Picking an all-human Tee Martin on a tour earlier wasn’t productive,

This was an important week for the Steelers, mixed with my love life of gold and black. I’m sure next week will be full of Steelers events too, so we’ll have to do it all over again. Have a great week, but you better have a bad week.

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Noah Roy

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